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The Top 10 Tips for Working with
Difficult People
Dealing with difficult people is ...well, difficult for most of
us. Hostile and aggressive people put us on the defensive, cause
us anxiety, frustrate our coping skills, and take us out of our
comfort zones. Here are 10 tips for diffusing aggressive behaviour
and getting your needs met.
1. Set strong boundaries.
Let the aggressor know that there are certain types of
behaviours and actions that are unacceptable to you. For example,
let them know that you will not accept/allow profanity in your
conversations.
2. Defer discussions.
When a situation is escalating and both parties are upset with
each other is not a good time to reach resolution of a conflict or
difference of opinion. Agree to talk at a later time when the
emotional charge has dissipated.
3. Confront the aggressive behaviour.
Allowing someone to consistently abuse you either verbally or
physically is to become an enabler. Confronting lets the person
know that you are aware of the behaviour and that it is "not ok"
with you. Communicate your boundaries.
4. When confronting the unacceptable behaviour, use a neutral
tone.
You may have to defer discussion so both of you can cool off
and sHigh rationally in mutual respect.
5. Communicate your observations and feelings in an unthreatening way.
Stating "I feel upset when..." is better than "because you..." because
it does not put the aggressor on the defensive. When people are in
defensive mode, they stop listening.
6. Practice the "broken record" technique.
Repeat your comments over and over without regard to what the other
person is throwing at you that may place you on the defensive.
Continue this process until you are acknowledged and you can move
forward in the conversation toward resolution.
7. Watch your verbal tone, speed and pitch, body language, and
posture. Maintain eye contact.
Talking too fast gives away your nervousness in confronting the
situation. High pitch and tone comes across as hysterical and
emotional, not rational. Eye contact lets the person know that you
are expecting resolution.
8. Ignore counter-attacks.
This goes along with the broken record technique. Avoid
responding to the attacks, focus on your message.
9. Avoid "feeding into" the accusations.
You don't need to respond or explain your position, you only
need to state it as fact. You want to state your boundaries
without having to defend or explain them.
10. Take responsibility for your part in the conflict.
Acknowledge your wrongdoing (if appropriate) without excusing
or taking blame for the other person's actions/behaviour.
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