compliments of
FutureVisionsSM
creating sustainable results in growth and performance
BE A PERSON WHOSE BOUNDARIES ARE UNCROSSABLE, BUT
WHO IS CONSTRUCTIVE ABOUT PROTECTING THESE BOUNDARIES
A boundary is a limitation on what other people may say or do
around you. You set a boundary to protect yourself from other people's
insensitive behaviour. When a boundary is extensive, it limits any
behaviour that could possibly disturb you. When a boundary is
inadequate, it limits extreme behaviours that would harm you, but not
subtle ones that could continue to cause you pain.
Mental and emotional areas where personal boundaries are important
are being accused or blamed for something that someone else did or
that was actually their issue; energy, sexuality, needs, time alone,
intuition and even individual differences. Have you ever been drained
of energy so much that you neglected your own needs? Has anyone
criticised you because you do things differently from them? How did
you feel? What happened? What did you do with any resulting conflict?
Did you work it through directly with the other person? And, if
appropriate, did you set limits with them? Or did you hold in your
feelings, possibly to avoid their confronting or rejecting you?
Some other mental and emotional areas where personal boundaries are
helpful include: love, interests, relationships, participation, roles,
and messenger function. Messenger function means that someone
inappropriately convinces you to deliver a message to a third party.
And if you do so, you might end up with more than you bargained for.
But these and other areas in relationships are often not so simple
and clear-cut. For example, have you ever declined interest in
something that is being pushed on you by another (a potential boundary
invasion)? Then you later became interested in and perhaps even
profited by whatever they had been promoting? A principle we can use
is to keep our boundaries as flexible as feels appropriate for us –
for our wants and needs – and for consciously setting a healthy
boundary or withdrawing if we wish. This is an example of using
boundaries in a healthy way.
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HEALTHY BOUNDARIES
Everyone wants and needs things from you. But you become a victim
unless you protect yourself. Every organization needs people with
strong boundaries. Don't be afraid to develop yours.
I take responsibility for failure, but not blame or shame.
I don't get caught up in any adrenaline/deadline rushes.
I don't answer the phone when I'm focused.
I don't let others "dump on" or be disrespectful to me.
I say no when I need to without putting people off.
I don't volunteer unless my work is caught up and perfect.
I don't "put up with" very much or suffer at work.
I am honest with my superior regarding my work load.
I think about and evaluate requests before I respond.
I finish my work and leave on time almost every night.
___ Number of boxes checked (10 max)
_____________________________________________________________________
For the Top Ten Ways to Maintain Your
Boundaries When They Are Challenged, send an email to
bs@futurevisions.org
with "MWS Boundaries Top Ten" in the subject and nothing in the body
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