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creating sustainable results in growth and performance
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Your Environment Needs You To Educate It
YOU
ARE SURROUNDED by an infinite collection of people, places and
things, each bombarding you with requests, needs, ideas and
problems. They're all competing for whatever energy you have
available, and they won't take no for an answer. At least they won't
until you learn how to educate them on who you are, what you need,
and what they can and can't do. Then, your universe (these people,
places and things), will begin to respect you and knock before
entering, ask before taking and look before giving. This educating
process takes time, willingness, selfishness and language.
Basically, we educate our environment all of the time; in fact,
we have what we have because we've either asked for it (knowingly or
not) or we didn't know what to ask for so we got what was left,
usually not so tasty. The educating of one's environment is a
constant, natural and eventually effortless process, but it may take
a while to reeducate the folks and things in your life on how you
now want them to be or provide for you. And it will take time for
you to access the exact language you will need to say what you want
to say and to get what you need without having to strain yourself or
the other person.
The best place to develop language is in the moment when
something needs to be said. When someone is doing something that
doesn't feel good or right, you must communicate immediately or
forever carry the extra burden of your unspoken reaction. The
process of sharing with another person what you want, won't permit
or need to hear is called "educating your environment."
We have the right to tell others what they can and cannot say or
do to or with us. This is called setting
boundaries and
requirements. If taken too far, it can lead to controlling others,
but we'll assume you're not reading this article with that goal in
mind. In order to properly educate your environment, you first must
know or decide:
1. What is acceptable to you in term's of another person's
behaviour.
2. What is not acceptable to you in terms of another person's
behaviour.
3. What you need from another person.
If you determine these for yourself, you will naturally start
saying what needs to be said when it needs to be said, not after.
But this will come only when you've decided who you are and what's
okay and what's not okay. Until you do this, no amount of language
will help you. First define yourself, then develop language.
One of the benefits of having the language you need is so you can
leave every encounter with nothing unsaid, nothing stepped over,
nothing unacknowledged or appreciated. You say what there is to
say immediately - and constructively - when you sense it. This
is not the same as dumping, however. Dumping is not communicating;
it's a form of venting or anger.)
All of this first starts with clarity and a commitment to yourself
around your boundaries. Language gives you the words and the
awareness.
Why is this important?
1. What is left unsaid gets in the way of the relationship.
2. What is not (but needs to be) requested is a missed opportunity.
3. When too much is left unsaid, corrosion results.
Specific language (such as the very word "boundaries") is what we use to bring out our best as
human beings. (Just one example is the fact that the Eskimos have
over 40 words for snow - we have only one; what are we missing?) When
the specific words are missing, everyone misses out.
For the Top Ten Ways to Maintain
Your Boundaries When They Are Challenged, send an email to
bs@futurevisions.org
with "MWS Boundaries Top Ten" in the subject and nothing in the body
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