compliments of
FutureVisionsSM
creating sustainable results in growth and performance
Accepting the
Truth: Too many givers burn out. One of the reasons is that, under the guise of
giving, we can also act in ways that are disrespectful and controlling of the
partner or boss or child or parent we are doing this for. We expect them to
receive our golden eggs, make use of them in the way we think is right, say
thank you and care for us in return. When things don't work out as we hope, we
can feel like victims and bitterly attack the other for betraying our
expectations.
When we do stand up
for truth, often what happens is that we create more and more honesty and real
love all around us. I have watched whole family systems change when one person
says what is true for them or acts in line with their truth.
Neither necessity
nor love stopped us from telling the truth. It was an unwillingness or an
inability to honour our true self. Cut off from our own bodies and emotions,
ready to give all to another without noticing our own needs, yet tied up with
unconscious pictures of ourselves or dependencies on others, our ability to live
truthfully is always at risk.
This doesn't mean
that we are less truthful than other people or less honest than we `should be'.
It is not a moral judgment. It is simply that we were faced with a challenge to
go beyond our old limits and we didn't quite make it. We were at our growing
edge.
We are okay as long
as the pictures we have seem more or less consonant with the reality. This is
why a new job or a new relationship is often so blessed with the feeling of a
dream come true. It is when the reality begins to diverge from our pictures, and
we choose the pictures rather than the reality, that we can sink knee-deep in
the mud of illusion.
Something was more
important than the truth: Why do we choose our pictures over reality? We fear
that if we face the truth, we will have to give up something we are deeply
invested in, or do something that feels unfamiliar and threatening, or be seen
by others as stupid or wrong or unacceptable. As in the case of Alice, something
feels more important than the truth. This process is not always conscious, and
sometimes it is accompanied by a terror so powerful that it feels almost
impossible to do anything but succumb to it.
Leila, retreat
director, talked movingly of the fear of speaking her truth: “Deep down it was a
fear of annihilation. I could die if I spoke my real truth. Might be a child
thing from my family: I would have been humiliated or an outcast if I was
truthful. When you hit that block, you go to a place where there is no sound and
no words.”
Doris, accountant,
was ignoring her health to keep her relationship alive: “Subconsciously I was
saying: You are getting emotionally drained; the needle is going into the red
part of the gauge. But I wasn't aware of that. I thought if I could get (John)
right I could get our relationship back and then he would give me what I wanted.
I was the kind of
person who did the right thing, which means what I felt other people expected of
me, and the part of me which wanted something quieter and gentler I would
criticize and be judgmental of and wouldn't listen to.”
Whose illusions are
we protecting? Our inability to say a Great Yes or a Great No is related to all
our illusions about ourselves and about life, our outdated myths, and our ways
of pleasing others or being acceptable. The illusions we are defending may not
just be our own. We burnout people have a particularly bad record of protecting
others at our own expense (the “protection racket”).
When we are driving
a car and come to a turning on the road, we know that we need to slow down in
order to take the curve smoothly and safely. That is just what we don’t do on
the way to burnout. We don’t take the time to figure out that we have a choice,
and to consider what choice to make. If we did, we might find that the
resolution to our problems is not out of reach but simply a very big stretch
away.
Not all of us speed
up. Some have a tendency to slow down and become unfocused, slapdash, and
haphazard when they begin to burn out. But this is not the kind of slowing down
that promotes connection with oneself – quite the opposite. If we don’t take
the time or don’t have the habit of listening to what our soul is telling us
about our own welfare, it is hard for us to make new and healthful choices. Yet
those of us who are able to listen to relatively early symptoms and to reconnect
to ourselves do not have to go through a full-blown burnout. It is a case of
take time now to take a lot more time later.
Recognising the impact of health on performance, Dianna holds
qualifications in nutritional and health fields that enable her to
identify and resolve health issues affecting business and personal
goals.
For the
Tops Tips on what to do for burnout
send an email to
bs@futurevisions.org
with "MWS Burnout Tips" in the subject and nothing in the body
