• You must recognise that part of the problem is your own fault: you allowed it to happen and did not try to address it to begin with. You could admit to this aloud and actively take part of the responsibility, with the intention of putting the onus onto that other person to take the other part of the responsibility.

• Remember that we frequently don't like in others what we don't want to see in ourselves, but find occasionally anyway. Be very sure that you have not indulged in the same sort of behaviour yourself and that you do not do so in the future.

• Manage yourself during the resolution attempt - learn calming strategies if you are hot-tempered or confidence boosters if you are shy. Try not to be emotional, as emotion will only make things escalate.

 ·    Maintain eye contact and use your body language to convey your belief in what you are saying. Don't fiddle with something nervously, don't cross your arms protectively, and don't put yourself on a lower level than the other person (such as sitting on a lower chair).

·    Don't believe in the saying that the best defence is a good offence. That is merely part of the Competition Strategy.

·   Address the issue, not the person. This means focusing on someone's behaviour rather than their entire existence. There are different levels of ownership for different sorts of behaviour, and people will take less offence if it is some aspect of their behaviour that you criticise rather than their whole character. Try not to blame, as this will only fan the fires.

·    If you are not getting anywhere, ask for further information from the other person about the reasons for their behaviour. But don't ask questions with"why" at the beginning. If you do, this will actively put the other person under the spotlight and you will get a defensive reaction.

Remember above all, that people who enjoy creating conflict are ultimately power-seekers who enjoy controlling others. Frequently this is because either they have suffered in a similar way before, or feel that they have very little control over their own lives and will do anything they can to feel in control. A little compassion will take you a long way both in resolving the situation and in putting it behind you when it is resolved.

 For The Top 10 Negative Ways People Handle Conflict & Possible Solutions send an email to bs@futurevisions.org with "MWS Bullying & Criticism Top 10" in the subject and nothing in the body

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