compliments of
FutureVisionsSM
creating sustainable results in growth and performance
If
you've already tried to “let go” of attachments and beliefs but nothing seems to
work, you are in good company. Many of us find that, even if we want to let our
beliefs go, we don’t know how to.
It so
difficult to change beliefs, according to “Sleight of Mouth” by Robert B. Dilts
(a teacher of NLP - neurolinguistic programming), because beliefs are associated
with the limbic system and hypothalamus in the midbrain, neurologically. The
limbic system has been linked to both emotion and long term memory.
While
the limbic system is a more “primitive” structure than the cortex of the brain
in many ways, it serves to integrate information from the cortex and to regulate
the autonomic nervous system (which controls basic body functions such as heart
rate, body temperature, pupil dilation, etc.). Because they are produced by
deeper structures of the brain, beliefs produce changes in the fundamental
physiological functions the body and are responsible for many of our unconscious
responses.
In fact,
one of the ways that we know we really believe something is because it triggers
physiological reactions; it makes our “heart pound,” our “blood boil,” or our
"skin tingle” (all effects that we cannot typically produce consciously). This
is how a polygraph device is said to be able to detect whether or not a person
is lying. People show a different physical reaction when they believe what they
are saying than when they are “just saying” it (like an actor might recite a
line), or when they are being untruthful or incongruent.
There’s
more. While we don’t actually ignore information that contradicts our beliefs,
we deal with it in such a way that it has relatively little impact on them.
First, we tend to spend time with people who agree with us and to read books and
articles that agree with our beliefs. For instance, the religious often spend
most time with people who have the same religion and read religious, not
anti-religious, books; environmentalists join green movements and subscribe to
“green newspapers”, and so on. We tend to spend most time with people, and
things, that agree with our pre-existing views.
Second,
rather than simply ignoring contradictory information, we often examine it
particularly closely. The end product of this intense scrutiny is that the
contradictory information is either considered too flawed to be relevant or is
redefined into a less damaging category. Opponents of the death penalty come to
view evidence supporting the deterrent efficacy of capital punishment as
hopelessly deficient and uninformative. Gamblers come to see negative outcome
not as losses that signal the difficulty of ever coming out ahead but as
near-wins that call for just a little strategic fine-tuning.
We learn
how to become attached to things but we are not taught about letting go. Here
are a few things that letting go means:
* That
we cannot control the thoughts, behaviors or feelings of other people. Other
people do things their own way and situations have their own outcomes, in spite
of our efforts at controlling behavior or outcomes.
* That
we stop rescuing others from the consequences of their own behavior, so that
they can learn and grow.
* That
no matter how much control we have over a situation, the results are never quite
what we planned.
* That
we need to focus on what we need to change in ourselves, rather than arguing and
obsessing about the shortcomings of others.
* That
we have limitations and that attempts to hide our limitations cause many
problems in our lives.
* That
you cannot change others, you can only change yourself.
What
letting go does NOT mean:
* That
you will stop caring about others.
* That
you have failed.
* That
something terrible will happen.
* That
you must cut yourself off completely from others
Beliefs
can be quite difficult to change. The deeper the belief, the more resistant to
change it will be. But we are constantly revising our beliefs in the light of
experience – especially at periods of major inner change in our lives. We often
make changes because of challenges to our old beliefs resulting from positive or
negative experiences.
These
are the lessons in our lives. Each time we ignore a lesson, it will come back
later – and it will be louder. These lessons become more and more painful each
time, until they turn into major life upsets – until we make a major shift in
our deeper values and beliefs – the consequence will be a change in behavior.
Sometimes this process is called growing up!
Click here for the
Six-Step Change Model for changing your thoughts
and increasing your happiness
Click
here for the ABC Change Model for learning optimism
