creating sustainable results in growth and performance
Often people with high standards and high
expectations (most of us!) spend a lot of time being upset that life is
not as it should be. Without even realizing it we are constantly comparing
the way things are with the way we think they ought to be and then getting
upset about the disparity. This, of course, is our right, but often such
habits greatly diminish the quality of our lives and the lives of those
around us.
To break this upsetting habit, you can shift your
attention from making negative comparisons to finding similarities between
how things should be and how they actually are - and feeling grateful
about these. You can ask yourself what difference it really makes that
something isn’t just as you think it should be - especially if you are
thinking about the future!
Often we think that things have to go a certain
way if we are to obtain our goals. Actually there are many routes to the
same goal, and amazingly, there is no necessity that they go any one
particular way. We all create "negative" by expectations, worry and
anxiety. Particularly as a result of worrying about what others expect of
us and think of us. This is because our culture assumes each individual to
be “valueless until proven otherwise.
Most unhappiness
is created by expectations. These expectations create a resistance to what
we end up with. When we expect we greatly "resist" anything that is
different to our expectation and put a lot of emotional energy in saying
"no, no, no, I do not want this situation", we put a lot of energy in
"trying to push it away".
You may say to me
"well, of course, it's only natural to push away something you don't
want" and you would be right. Resistance to an unwanted experience IS a
natural reaction, though it is one that we would be much better served
without. You see, in my work and in my life, I've come to realize
that........ almost ALL suffering is caused by our resistance.
Let me say that
again, almost ALL suffering is caused by resistance!!! It is NOT caused
by the actual situation itself. I think this is wonderful news. What it
means is, that if we could eliminate our resistance to what is going on in
our life, we could also eliminate our emotional suffering.
Now, of course,
I'm not suggesting that we go blithely through life saying that whatever
happens to us is just fine. I believe we need to take charge of our
experiences. We need to recognize that we are totally responsible for how
we respond to what happens in our life.
However, when
something seemingly "bad" happens to us, the quickest and most direct
route to moving through it is acknowledging it and accepting it. Yes, it
happened. What do I need to learn from this? And yes, it is now time to
move on!
It
is actually quite amazing what this simple shift in perspective can
accomplish. I see it time and again. In my work with my individual
clients, I support them in quickly, and painlessly, dissolving their
resistance. And the results are quite remarkable.
Examine the areas
you are unhappy with. What are your expectations? What are you
resisting???
