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EQ/Happiness

Time Management

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FUN IN SMALL DOSES

How do you get off the all-work treadmill? Begin by creating and practicing two- to five minute joy breaks several times a day. Ultimately, you want this to happen automatically without your having to remember to do it. But at the beginning, we suggest that you write these breaks into your daily plan.

It is interesting to note that when we use this self-assessment with youngsters or adults who are highly creative and productive, we find that they can fill a page of ideas, without slowing down, in two to five minutes. Look back at your own list. How many ideas do you have?

One tip that might help you expand your list of short breaks is to think of activities that are related to the longer items. For example, if "going to a movie" was on your longer list, think about adding shorter ideas to your five-minute list:

∎ Check the newspaper for an uplifting movie to see tonight or on the weekend.

∎ Call a friend and make a date for a movie.

∎ Read a movie review in the newspaper.

∎ Ask a friend to recommend a favorite fun movie.

Next, go to your daily schedule and begin to plan your breaks into your work day. For the first week, you might take several two- to five-minute joy breaks during the day for practice. Observe both the quality of your work and your mental processing immediately following your breaks. We think you will find a noticeable improvement in all areas.

I find that this takes constant practice, dedication, and evaluation. As I purposely begin to play using the same skills, dedication, and commitment that I bring to my work, I am amazed at the results. However, I have to keep reminding myself why I am doing this. I may be more of a workaholic than most people, but giving myself deep inner permission to play is a big hurdle for me. It helps me if I step back and assess the big-picture results and reassure myself that I am not just off on a lark. As I find that I consistently accomplish more, team more effectively, and think far more creatively when I keep my life balanced with refreshing, spontaneous play, I am able to relax and trust the process without guilt or reservation.

Have you ever finished a game of golf or tennis and felt depressed or frustrated-anything but refreshed and joyful? Have you ever gone on a family outing and spent all your time keeping up with the kids and wor­rying about their fun, then come home exhausted? Can you remember a vacation that became an extension of work for you? You were still rushing to meet a preplanned schedule, fitting in with other people's expectations, and going through the motions, but you were not experiencing the fun you had hoped for. What happened?

 Many of us have forgotten how to play the way we did when we were children.

∎ Playing just for the fun of feeling good, not to win or for social prestige or connections.

∎ Exploring and being curious just because it is enjoyable and interesting.

∎ Changing focus any time your attention takes you elsewhere or you lose interest in what you are currently doing.

∎ Avoiding scorekeeping or competition. Maybe you know how many chinaber­ries you can chunk into the birdbath, but it is just as much fun to chunk for the sake of chunking.

∎ Being highly active, exploring the range of what your body can do.

∎ Staying in close touch with your current emotions and feeling comfortable wish spontaneous expression.

∎ Using fantasy, becoming an animal, an astronaut, a villain. This allows you to explore roles and possibilities safely without it being real or permanent. (Calvin, of "Calvin and Hobbes" in the comics, is a whiz at this.)

∎  Resting whenever and wherever you feel fired, staying in touch with your body's needs and responding to them.

∎  Nurturing yourself and insisting that others do also. Very young children frequently get what they want because they let everyone around them know what they want and cause others to want to give it to them. We all know the symptoms when a youngster wants a nap!

∎  Spend twenty minutes playing with a young child, letting the child be the leader. Notice the difference in how the child plays. There are no rules, or if there are, they change as the child's mood changes. If a rule blocks the fun, children just change the rule. Fantasy stimulates good feelings when reality seems to limit their possibilities. And there is very little competition in their play. Little children encourage each other to do well: "Let's color pictures," "Let's see if we can climb up to the highest branch," "Let's dig a hole all the way to China."

∎  Take a look at the suggestions in Joy List

In our research we learned that the mental processes used in play and creative acts actually change the chemistry of the brain and bring about more energy. Childlike play is a way to tap this resource.

Most of us have to unlearn our adult, competitive, product- and goal-oriented behavior be­fore we can once again relax into the healing process of play. There is nothing to measure or evalu­ate, no score to keep-only a re­lease of self into pleasure. Play is usually a win-win situation. And it is literally done using different mental processes. In the list at the left, we describe some of the key characteristics of childlike play. Ask yourself how recently and how often you have enjoyed this renewing kind of fun.

You can see that these characteristics of childlike play are very different from those of adult play, which focuses on competition, rules, and keeping your dig­nity intact. A warning! Learn the difference between childish and childlike behavior - it is critical in rediscovering the enormous fun and renewal in little-kid play.

When you are childlike, you free yourself to enjoy fun but stay aware of the needs and rights of others, making sure not to in­vade their privacy or become a nuisance. You don't have to play by other people's rules, but you can enjoy yourself without infringing on them. On the other hand, when you are childish, you think only of yourself and ignore the rights and feelings of others. Childish behavior will interfere with your effectiveness, while childlike behavior, in which you allow yourself to be vulnerable and trust others, can improve your effectiveness, your teamwork, and the synergy around you.