SAYING NO AS EASILY AS YOU SAY YES
What are the most gracious but firm ways to decline? You
can learn a lot by simply observing friends and colleagues who have polished
this skill. Some of my favorite people can probably do this so graciously that
others feel OK no matter whether their answer was yes or no. What makes the
difference?
Typically those people are comfortable with themselves and
so firmly committed to their own personal goals that they clearly affirm others
and their invitation while letting others know why they did not choose to help.
For example:
"Thank you for giving me the opportunity to consider
helping out with the bake sale. I do appreciate the invitation, but all of my
time is committed during this month, and I am very careful to respect my limits.
Thank you for understanding. "
Another gracious response to a social invitation could go
like this:
"Thank you for the invitation. I would really enjoy an
evening in your home, and your dinners are always delicious. However, I have
plans for that evening. Please accept my regrets. "
Yet another handles pressure in a positive way that earns
respect. When someone wouldn't take no for an answer, this model of the gracious
no calmly but firmly responded:
"You obviously have a strong commitment to find good
people to join you in this project. I have an equally strong commitment to keep
this weekend open for family time. I am trusting you to understand our
differences on this and my decision to decline. "
We encourage you to notice how people whom you admire
decline in ways that don't leave you or others feeling discounted or rejected.
These responses affirm your intent and interest and their conflicting but
equally significant purpose or need. To affirm both without putting one over
the other is balance.
Warning: Be careful about saying "Maybe." One way many
people avoid saying yes or no is by postponing a decision. This simply postpones
the problem as well. If you say "Maybe," you're not playing fair with yourself
or others. Don't suggest a possibility unless your intent is genuine. Saying
"Maybe next time" makes the task of saying no even harder the next time because
you feel you have already partially committed yourself.
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to
bs@futurevisions.org
with "MWS Top Ten Life Tenderizers" in the subject and
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