First, recognize that there are two different kinds of "no's"

Direct "No."

"No. Thank you, though." • "Too busy. I'll pass."

With Whom  

	Close teammates, friends, those who know how often you say yes
	People with whom you have little or no personal connection

How Often    About 25% of all opportunities to say no

Communicate Direct No's as quickly as possible, with as little thought
and hesitation as possible.

Indirect         "Help me understand..."  "Let's talk about this..."

With Whom  

	Bosses, customers, leaders: Those who direct your actions
	Networked teammates: Those in the same company, group, or team, but not tied to your daily routine

How Often    About 75% of all opportunities to say no

Important fact and strategy: While Direct No's account for only a quarter of your opportunities to push back, that's where most of us spend most of our time! Because these are comfortable no's, low-risk, almost-fun no's. Your goal is to spend as little time, emotion, and energy here as possible. Invest whatever you've saved into Indirect No's.

Treat Indirect No's as an opportunity to change a relationship, to build mutual respect

DO NOT focus on getting rid of the work you've just been handed. That will only make things worse. Instead, focus on how your response this time will create future expectations - yours and theirs. Take the indirect approach to manage the overall flow of to-do's from these individuals

DO focus on the conversation.

Control what you can, and forget the rest.
You can change the exchange.
You can change how you react.

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