John Henry is an American folk hero who serves as an example of the dangers of winning. He succeeded himself to death. Using only his hammer and a handheld pick, he tried to outperform a steam powered drill tunneling through a mountain. His single-minded attention to being successful resulted in his victory of the drill but he fell dead at the moment of his highest success. Fatally exhausted, he died a 'winner'.

The phrase 'John Henryism' has been coined to describe a personality feature of those who cannot say no to a challenge, have a single-minded focus, and try to be never too tired to keep going. They think "If I make up my mind, I can do it" or "When things get tough, I will just get tougher".

We delude ourselves into thinking we can personally control and accomplish almost anything, no matter how low on vital energy fuel we may be. We are too busy going where we are going to check our vital energy gauge. When we run out of gas, it is our hearts that finally stall out.

Despite the popular motivationalists' assertion that we "can move mountains" if only we put our minds to it, I have yet to see a mountain moved. If we come upon one, it is usually better for health to just say "What a lovely mountain", sit down for a while and enjoy looking at it with someone we love. While our society applauds and envies those who report the exhilaration or risking their life to reach the highest mountain peak, there seems to be less attention paid to those who relish the exhilaration to be had by wondering at the mountain's grandeur from the bottom.

Gazing at mountains affords the opportunity to practice connection with the calm and content of our soul. When did success become defined as an exhilarating, competitive, victorious feeling rather than a content, calm and connected one?

Researchers refer to the 'Sisyphus reaction,' a pattern of hard-driving, goal-fixated, constantly striving person who, despite these efforts, feels little sense of contentment with life or work. The chief characteristic is one of joyless striving.

The Power of NO

Would you refuse to do a favor for a good friend who has done many favors for you if you felt you were just too tired to do it? Woudl you turn down a wonderful work opportunity just because you prefer to sit down and do nothing? Could you say no to a chance for a major promotion or a new job offering much more money and status because you would rather be comfortable with and enjoy what you have right now? Can you say no without feeling guilty or that you are letting someone down? Think carefully before you answer these questions because how you answer them reflects to a significant degree whether you will die young or live a long and healthy life.

Physician George F Solomon is seen as the father of the field known as psychoneuroimmunology. This is the field that provides much of the data documentating the devastation caused by the prolonged stress of toxic success. In studying a group of AIDS patients and comparing long- and short-term survivors, Solomon sampled the vitality of each person's immune system and compared it with the patient's psychological profile. Those patients who said they could answer no to a request for a favor from a good friend were the longest survivors of AIDS.

It is precisely this self-monitoring and capacity to take care of and protect your vital energy and psychological and physical well-being that is lacking in the "toxically successful". Despite their strong assertive seeking of success, they are very reluctant to "just say no". For them, "no" is a four-letter word. The self-doubt at the core of toxic success causes them to fear rejection or that they will be seen as letting others down. They cherish their hard-earned reputation as "always coming through" and have embraced the popular psychology idea of "just say yes". 

"Almost nothing great ever came from the word "no"" said the motivational expert to the large audience. "Don't even think "no". Stay in the "yes" mode. Think yes, yes, yes." This is the same John Henryism that constitutes such a serious risk to health. A careful, self-monitoring "no" is actually a gift, not only to ourselves but also to anyone who sincerely cares about us.

Never ever say “maybe”. Maybe is only a way of postponing a decision. When you know you want to say no, say no. Otherwise you’re not playing fair with yourself – or others. And saying "maybe next time" makes it harder and harder to say no the next time. Don’t fall into this trap. 

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 Are you giving too much to get too little? If you think so, send an email to
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    and nothing in the body and receive the top ten "motion sickness cures".

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