1. Never say no to armed gunmen or managers: a key lesson from those who work behind the scenes when terrorists take hostages is never to respond with a no. Whatever is demanded by the gunmen from, say, the hijacked plane - be it ten million dollars or a helicopter to take them out of the country - the police negotiators never respond with a no, even when the answer actually is no. Instead they say things like `We are work­ing on it but it's difficult to get a helicopter with a big enough fuel tank for your purposes' – basically they play for time.

The reason you never explicitly say no is that to do so would inevitably evoke a retaliatory response. So the art of saying no is to not appear to say no while in fact avoiding giving a person what they ask for. Obviously this art, when played at the highest level, has to be done in an extremely sophisticated manner, as most gunmen are not entirely stupid (I am- not so sure about NHS managers), and can often detect when they are being flannelled. The art of saying no is to appear as though you are giving a positive response while really saying no.

So the number-one tip in learning the Zen skill of saying no is to remove the word no or any negative response from your vocabulary, and to become extremely proficient at getting bogged down in difficulties in fulfilling the request.

2. Play for time, as in all contests eventually bad light always stops play: A major ally on your `saying no' team is time. If you spend long enough not giving people what they want they usually turn to other, quicker, solutions, discover how to do without your help or learn that they never really wanted what they asked of you in the first place. So instead of saying no, learn to say yes, but take so long doing it that this becomes a no in reality. One way of harnessing time is simply to postpone saying yes by having other things to do before you can give an answer. Also there are all those things you need to find out about before you can give this decision your proper con­sideration. Then there are all those people you have to check with (you are extremely keen to do this, it's just that the secretaries or accounts dept will want to be consulted first as they will be affected).

3. Put the ball back in their court: Have they checked first with the chief executive? Have they taken this to the management committee? Have they considered what will happen if this or that occurs, as a result of this new thing they want you to do? You don't mind doing it but first, as you don't want to tread on anyone's toes and you want to do it properly, you need to make sure the person making the request has followed the correct protocol. Doesn't this conflict with other arrangements already in place? Wouldn't that compatibility need ensuring first?

4. Bury it in a committee: One of the public sector's favourite and most unproductive activities is meetings. Obviously most meetings are usually more obstructive than helpful in implementing change (how many statues in major capitals do you see erected to a committee as opposed to an individual?). So a good way of saying no is to take a request to a meeting for it to be discussed – sure enough someone somewhere at a meeting will find a good reason for not doing it, or at least get upset that they weren't consulted first.

5. Ask for clarification: A good way of returning fire is to bombard the person making the request with questions. What happens during the holidays? Who will do it during sick leave? When they say this needs doing within seven days, do they mean seven working days? What precisely does their memo mean? Pedantry is a most useful weapon in dealing with missives from above. The key here is that most memos, because they are brief, leave a universe of meaning open to conjecture – a veritable playground of possibilities. Enjoy!

6. Take the opportunity to bring up a thing you need from them: One of the most universal, but tacit, laws of human interaction is that of reciprocation – if you ask me for a favor it would appear impolite, at the least, not to try to do me a favor in return. So whenever someone asks you to do something take the opportunity to immediately ask them for something – keep a handy list of things you need doing that can be whipped out at the slightest sign of favors coming your way. Remember that survival in the modern office is increasingly like the gunfight at the OK Corral: the fastest on the draw walks away.

7. Remember you work in a team and so there are always others you have to check with first: One danger of saying no is that you don't look like a team player, so turn this on its head by becoming the most bonded of team players. So teamy, in fact, that you want to check with everybody before you agree that this is a good thing to do, as you don't want to go out on a limb here. If your team is big enough you are bound to find some-one sooner or later who objects and this is where the new idea gets scuppered – but not by you.

8. You think it's a great idea but do they realize it will mean you can't also do the great idea they had last week?: One way to scupper a manager's plans for more work for you is to demonstrate that this will mean their other pet project will get impeded by this new project. People don't like it when you say no, and will fight you when you do, but they are pulled up short when the sacrifice that will be made to get this new thing done is on their part. This has a tendency to clarify just how important the new project is if an old one of theirs is going to be forfeited on the altar of the new directive.

9. If a thing is worth doing, it's worth doing well, or not at all ...: Judo is about using the force an opponent is coming at you with to their disadvantage and tripping them up. So the manager wants this new objective attained, but what's the point of doing it if it's not going to be done properly – let's certainly do it but let's do it properly and this will mean, of course, a lot of new resources as well ...

10. If it's such a good idea how come not everyone is doing it?: A favourite management technique when you ask for something is to point out that this thing isn't happening elsewhere, so using comparison as a way of saying no. You can use this to your own advantage as well. If a Trust wants to start a new policy, how come it's not happening in a nearby office? How is it others seem to survive without this marvellous new plan? Unfortunately, this technique can make you sound a bit like a five-year-old complaining to their parents about what the older siblings have that they don't.

But don't forget, they started it.

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 Are you giving too much to get too little? If you think so, send an email to bs@futurevisions.org with "MWS Top Ten Life Tenderizers" in the subject and nothing in the body and receive the top ten "motion sickness cures".

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